mcetraro

I know I use my LJ mostly for my JPOP fangirling but I need to pour my feelings out about these news somewhere...

I haven't posted anything until now...part of the reason is because I'm afraid if I do it will come true...

When people ask me what kind of music I listen to I can't answer... I think my music taste makes makes no sense so I always answer: "the artists that I love are the Foo Fighters, Taylor Swift and NEWS".

This band has been with me since 1999, I was 15 years old at the time and they were 3 members. While I waited for the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and Christina Aguilera's videos on MTV, their video were amongst them...It was a funny one, the guitar was heavier than the ones I was used to but I thought "this band is funny" or "they seem cool" and eventually "this is a nice song".
This funny band was made by a bass player who looked like a nice guy, a vocalist and guitar player who I though was cute and then found out had been part of a legendary rock band and a drummer who had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

Friday night I was at my cousin's reharsal dinner and decided to check my Instagram, the first post it showed was a Foo Fighters one, it was a black post with an white text...weird...maybe one of them got a flu or something must have happend on the festival they were playing or even on the music industry... I quickly read the words Foo Fighters, devastated and tragic but couldn't focus, so I read again and my eyes jumped to the same words plus Taylor Hawkins... I tought what is going on here...I told myself to calm down and read it properly, I did it once, twice, three times...what were they saying? It had been 9 minutes from the moment the post was made... Why is Taylor Hawkins and loss on the same post? Taylor was fine, they were coming to São Paulo to play on Lollapalooza on Sunday, I could picture that man with the same beatiful smile wearing large tank tops and flashy boardshorts walking on the hotel lobby. I knew he was fine...

I'm still waitng for someone to tell me is a bad joke...everytime I open Instagram I am wating for it... the messages from my friends on Saturday morning told it is not a joke... the posts I've been seeing are telling it not a joke... but world without that smile and kind eyes is nothing but a sick joke...

A lot has been through my mind these last days... how I was so thrilled to be able to block their rooms at the hotel the last time they came to São Paulo... how  I carefully thought that I should put him at the same floor as Dave... how I got up so fast to assist him that I might have scared him and how his eyes met mine and I wished so hard he could read my mind and know how much he meant to me...

I am lucky enough to have seen him in person a few times and in all of them he had those eyes and that smile that seems to expose the kindness of his soul.

Someone has to tell people that is a bad joke...

I'm still reading the news but it doesn't seem to sink in... it feels like I have a hole in my heart... the world needs to see him smiling again....

I want to send alll my love to Dave, to the Foos family and to Taylor's family but why would I need to do that if Taylor is fine? He has to be fine.

I'm still thinking about the message I send to a friend since this year I wouldn't be able to assist them on their stay: "Please, take care of my Dave and My Taylor". He has to be fine.

I should end this post with a fairwell, but I'm not ready to say goodbye, even though my heart is breaking and tears are falling from my eyes, I can't say goodbye, I feel sick by the tought of it.

All I can say is please be fine.